The holes in your wrists and my knees in the sand.

I didn't believe them
when they said that it was you.
They ran inside without bothering to shake
the wet sand
from the bottom of their jeans.
It was ugly outside.
Why would you come today?
I took my time rolling up my jeans.
One, two, three rolls. I hate sand.
I took my time,
zipping my blue and grey hoodie halfway
as Thomas urged me to hurry.

There you were on the oceans edge,
one foot in the water and one in the sand.
The tumbling white and grey clouds
dulled the colors, golden sands turned
a muted white, deep blue oceans turned
a monotone blue.
You looked different. I couldn't be sure
even as I drew close to you.
I searched your face for anything,
any tell that you were a fraud,
and you took my hand and placed it into your side.
And I knew.



The title very much needs work, thanks, I know,
Jason

Sharptop Cove

I am at Sharptop Cove for the summer.

Expect nothing. (Be very very surprised when there is something.)

Was.

A little girl once told me,
that "was" is the most beautiful word
in the English language.
She said that "was" means
that something was different now,
that something changed.
And that when something changes
it's always for the best,
because God doesn't work backwards.

I am Prideful

I will serve myself before you,
because I am hungry.
I am going to speak over you
and I am going to be heard.
I will have the last say
as well as the first.
I am going to get mine.
Your feelings will not cross my mind
and if they do, I just don't care.
I am clinical, surgical, and ruthless.
I am a natural;
I was born ready for this.
I will serve myself before you,
because I am hungry.

Inman Perk Cafe

She put the cup to her lips
to cover her face.
"There's no comfort in knowing someone else
is dealing with depression.
The small things give it away:
The heavier subtle smell of smoke,
the stronger coffee for that extra perk,
opening the blinds to let that extra bit of light in.
And it's not a 'now I know I'm not alone,' thing
it's a 'I'm sorry that you understand.'"

She put the Earl Grey with cream and sugar down.
"You know when people tell you
to always find the best? In everything?
Take something you hate and find the good parts?
There's not a good part to depression.
There's nothing to not hate.
Not even when it's better."

Shiny new things.

I finally finally finally got a new notebook. And it feels glorious to write in.

Here's to having one less excuse, and fighting the belief that with losing my last notebook I lost 6 months of ideas and inspirations,
Jason

Nothing hurt.

Hey dear friends. Hey sweet family. I love you.
I love you.
I know we're leaving now, and it's frustrating.
We've built families, we've built homes,
we've built lives,
and now we're leaving.
But I promise it'll be good again
that we'll be together again
at the end of it all.
Everything will be restored--
I know it! I've seen it.
It's like Chuck-E-Cheese's, except better.
So much better.
It's really bright and loud
but in a warm and enveloping sense
and not overwhelming.
All of the games work!
Even my favorite one
where you smack the alligator's noses.
And you win the ticket jackpot every time.
Everyone is having fun and smiling and laughing
and the tubes don't hurt your knees
as you climb through them.
There are bears in tutus too!
And elephants dancing,
shaking to tunes of a grandstand band,
their colorful backdrop consisting of fluttering confetti
flittering and flashing the entire way down.
We get to share meals again.
And not just the cardboard pizza
with ketchup and old cheese on top.
Real food.
The table is really long and everyone is there,
where they have both Coke and Pepsi,
and each are balanced just right.
Not flat. And not that terrible
over-carbonated bitter solution
that's even worse because it ALWAYS
catches you off guard.
I promise you I tell you the truth,
I love you too much to lie about this.
Everything was beautiful
and nothing hurt.